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"Dear SHS Parents & Family Advice Column,  

My student is so stressed about finals, and I don't know how to help them! What are parents supposed to do for their kids around finals?" 

Have you ever been surfing? Me neither, but it’s a pretty good metaphor for exam period. A crowd of people paddle around in the surf. Some ride glorious waves, and some get mown over. Bigger waves lead to bigger tumbles, but also bigger triumphs. Either way, there’s not much you can do from the shore. And either way, they’ve got to go back out there. Most kids want a pat on the back and some words of encouragement. Some want to tell you every detail of their journey, but others need to hunker down and focus on what’s coming next. None are in the mood for life lessons. 

What can you do? Be that steady presence on the beach. Cheer for them when they succeed, and be there for them when they don’t. Hand them a towel, and maybe a snack. Listen to them if they want to talk. Resist the urge to tell them they should’ve practiced more or chosen a different surfboard. They know. 

This is what it is to be the parent of an adult. Just stay on the beach: Triumph or tumble, that’s where all waves end up.  

Mathilde Ross, MD is a Senior Staff Psychiatrist at Boston University Student Health Services. She is the author of the upcoming book, How to Thrive at College: A Guide to the Ups and Downs of Mental Health on Campus.

The Parents & Family Advice Column is for general informational purposes, and is not a substitute for professional consultation.