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Student Health Service's Parent's & Families Advice Column

Navigating Thanksgiving Expectations

"Hi there!

I'm nervous about Thanksgiving Break, and would like some advice. I have final projects and exams right after break. When I'm home, I'm going to have to study, spend time with family, and I know I'll want to see my friends too. I'm feeling guilty about not being able to spend 24/7 with them, and I feel like my parents are going to be upset. How can I communicate that I'm glad to see them, but I can't spend as much time with them as they want?" 

- BU Student, CAS '28

Dear Students: 

I know, they’ve been telling you how much they miss you since you’ve been away at college, but what they haven’t been telling you is that ... there are parts of it that they like. The house is quieter, their favorite snacks don’t disappear from the fridge, no one is constantly taking their car, and they’ve kind of gotten used to it. So – um, this is a little awkward – they might (definitely!) be fine with not spending 24/7 with you, but they are never going to say it. 

What do I suggest? Offer to walk the dog once a day (substitute whatever chores you dodged in high school here!), ask them what events they have planned, and tell them about your other priorities. It’s going to go better than you think. 

Dear Parents: 

I’ve got good news and bad news. The good news is, your student is eager to come home and see you over Thanksgiving. The bad news is, they’re also eager to see all their high school friends, go to the homecoming game, play with the dog, and catch up on schoolwork they’re behind on. 

And one more thing ... they haven’t had a proper night’s sleep since September. Yikes! Remember what they’re like on no sleep?! So, check in with them about their other plans, let them know what your non-negotiables are (Thanksgiving dinner – yes! fall yardwork? – maybe not), fill the fridge, and get ready for your car keys and cell phone charger to go missing! It’s going to be great! 

Mathilde Ross, MD is a Senior Staff Psychiatrist at Boston University Student Health Services. She is the author of the upcoming book, How to Thrive at College: A Guide to the Ups and Downs of Mental Health on Campus.

The Parents & Family Advice Column is for general informational purposes, and is not a substitute for professional consultation.