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“Hi there! I’m worried my student may be drinking too much, but I’m not sure how to talk to them about it." 

Dear Parents: 

This is a tricky one. If you don’t broach the topic, students may rely on information and norms from their peers, which may or may not align with your values. And if you overdo it, you risk pushing your student toward defensiveness and secrecy. Somewhere between the two extremes, there’s dialogue. But how to get there?  

Luckily, young adults are remarkably self-reflective if they’re given non-judgmental space in which they are encouraged to be honest with themselves. And they generally aspire to become healthy, well-adjusted, productive humans. No, they don’t like to be told what to do, just like you didn’t. Rules and nagging don’t result in sustained behavior change in adults.  

So, what can you do? Approach them with curiosity. How much do they drink? Why? How do they feel after 1-2 drinks? How about after 3-4? Which is better? Have they experienced any consequences, such as nausea, headaches or worse? How do they feel the next day? Are they chipper and productive on Sundays, or do they spend the day recovering from their weekend? How much money are they spending? Is their alcohol use at odds with their longer-term goals? Any serious consequences, such as blackouts or hospital visits?  

This is called motivational interviewing, and it’s an evidence-based strategy to engage adults in thinking about their alcohol or drug use. Sustained behavior change in adults (such as drinking more sensibly) comes from internal motivation. College students are highly motivated people, but don’t always connect the dots between short term behavior and longer-term goals. That’s what parents are for.  

Motivational Interviewing sounds fancy, but you can think about it as asking, listening, and caring. That’s what you’ve been doing their whole life! 

Mathilde Ross, MD is a Senior Staff Psychiatrist at Boston University Student Health Services. She is the author of the upcoming book, How to Thrive at College: A Guide to the Ups and Downs of Mental Health on Campus. 

The Parents & Family Advice Column is for general informational purposes, and is not a substitute for professional consultation. 

https://mathilderossauthor.com/