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“Hi there! My student is really struggling with feeling like they don’t belong or aren’t qualified to be here. How am I supposed to help them with that?”  

Dear Parents,

You’re describing imposter syndrome, the subjective experience of feeling unqualified or inferior to one’s peers. It’s having a bit of a moment. There’s even research on the topic, finding that as many as 95% of academics experience imposter syndrome at some point in their career.  

It’s literally everywhere. For example, how am I qualified to write a parent advice column, when I can’t get my own teenagers to empty the dishwasher? Imposter syndrome! When a syndrome is that common, it’s probably not . . . a syndrome. 

So, I guess the best way to help your student with imposter syndrome is to . . . call it something else. Luckily, there’s already another name for it: humility. Humility used to be considered a desirable character trait. (Now it’s apparently for suckers.) 

Even so, imposter syndrome isn’t the same for everyone. For people with historically marginalized identities, changing vocabulary probably won’t cut it. For students struggling with these feelings and experiences, SHS is always here.  

And BU’s got their back! From The Newbury Center to the Howard Thurman Center for Common Ground to the Menino Scholars program, BU has the departments and resources to help students from all backgrounds feel at home and thrive academically. Prefer a peer to peer organization? There are affinity groups, clubs, or service organizations for any interest.  

That’s BU’s role; so, what do parents have to offer? Only everything. How many times have you watched your student progress from tentative beginner to competence? A million! Remember when they learned to walk: the number of times they had to literally pick themselves up and start fresh? You cheered and encouraged and just kind of hung in there with them and now . . . they don’t remember how hard it was! 

Trailblazing is scary, but worth it. Your student’s humility is likely to make them hard-working, eager to learn, collaborative, and open to feedback. Sounds like an ideal college student to me! 

Mathilde Ross, MD is a Senior Staff Psychiatrist at Boston University Student Health Services. She is the author of the upcoming book, How to Thrive at College: A Guide to the Ups and Downs of Mental Health on Campus. 

https://mathilderossauthor.com/ 

The Parents & Family Advice Column is for general informational purposes, and is not a substitute for professional consultation.